Reaching out to a friend who is burnt out

Your loved one has been complaining about their job for months. Conversations are becoming more hostile by the minute. You sense it is only a matter of time before they "explode." If you can relate to this scenario, you may have a loved one who is burnt out. Having a loved one with burnout can be distressing for them and for you. It tugs at your heartstrings and may even impact your well-being. No worries. There is hope. You can do several things to help yourself and them in the process.

Let them know you care.

There is nothing wrong with reaching out and letting your friend know that you are here for them. Be creative. Tell them in a letter, a text, or a piece of art.

Be open to whatever happens.

When someone is burned out, they may snap at others or exude tremendous sadness. Understand that when you do reach out, you may encounter these feelings. So be prepared. Try to take whatever occurs with a grain of salt. Sometimes, people project their insecurities and fears onto us.

Set an intention.

Before you contact your friend, set an intention to interact with them positively. Intention matters. Setting our intentions to have a meaningful exchange puts us in the right mindset to create that uplifting interaction.

Try a mock conversation.

If you rarely have difficult conversations, there is no harm in rehearsing a mock conversation with someone else to eliminate any nerves you might have. Have another friend "fill in" and role-play the discussion you would like to have with your loved one. A dress rehearsal gives you time to think about what might come up and prepare.

Don't just hear what they have to say - listen.

The most important thing you can do to help your friend is to listen. Sometimes a friend may not have had someone else to honestly sit and enthusiastically pay attention to what is on their mind and how they feel. When you listen, do so actively. Try to hear what they are saying on different levels, the literal level and the intuitive level, where you notice what is going on "in between the lines."

Ask what they think might be helpful to them.

Often people know what they need to do. Sometimes it takes someone inquiring to give them the courage to transform the situation that they are in. Proceed with caution before you give advice. If you decide to offer advice, be sure to ask permission to do so. It's a sign of respect. Plus, sometimes, if the conversation is "charged" and there's a lot of emotion, your friend may not be in the mindset to take in the advice you give.

Disclaimer: Your friend's emotions are their responsibility

First and foremost, know that your friends' emotions and their situation is not your responsibility. Yes, it's good for a friend to intervene, but at the end of the day, your friend is ultimately responsible for their life.

Remember you are your 1st priority.

As you go through this process, do not forget to care for yourself. It's common to want to do whatever it takes to help a friend, but do not overextend yourself if your own energy resources are running low. Be realistic and mindful about what you can and cannot do.

As a physician, it's all too common to hear about burnout. Allopathic medicine in the United States has a culture of working long hours and pushing through work at all costs. If you feel inclined, reach out to the friends around you that you suspect are burnt out. You may be that ray of sunshine that makes your friend's journey much easier. Have the courage to be vulnerable while relinquishing control of anything that may happen. You might be the breath of fresh air your friend needs on a dusty day.