How to Let Your Loved Ones Know You Are Burnt Out

Deciding to tell a loved one that you are feeling burnt out can be challenging. You may have feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, or shame for how this may influence them.

Visualize the outcome that you want to see.

Before you talk to them, please contemplate the result you would like to manifest. How do you want your loved ones to receive the information? What can they do to be helpful to you? More importantly, how are you feeling now and how do you want to feel? It would be beneficial if you did some "inner work" and reflected as the conversation may spur questions about you. Honor yourself and take some time to process the situation. It is beneficial to have your own time to debrief. Moreover, when you reflect, be open to any experiences you may have.

It's time to connect.

Once you have reflected on your feelings and how you envision the conversation proceeding, ask your loved ones to meet with you at a time when you and they are unlikely to be emotionally charged. When you sit down to have a conversation, you must be okay, knowing that you will not be able to control their reactions. Understand that most people have good intentions but may not recognize how to be supportive of you or the "right" thing to say. Remember, for many, emotions often take a backseat to the intellect. Outside of a counselor's or psychiatrist's office, we may not discuss feelings, their meaning, and how to manage them. So do not take it personally if loved ones act out, are stunned, or become tearful.

There may be a sequel.

Next, realize that one conversation may not suffice. You could need to give your loved ones time to think and space to process what is happening. Give them the option of rescheduling another discussion if things get too "charged."

Be ready to listen actively.

Recognize that having tough conversations like this is a process. Be an active listener. Tune into their vocal tone, words, and body language.

Applaud yourself for the effort.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of giving yourself credit for having the courage to discuss this topic. It takes guts to put yourself out there and talk to them about feeling burnt out. So many times, we suppress how we feel. The suppression does not get rid of the feeling. Instead, it builds up and then has the potential to explode if unchecked.

Be open to pleasant surprises.

And finally, please appreciate that sometimes people will surprise you. I grew up in a traditional African household. We did not talk about feelings in detail during my childhood. When intense anger, sadness, shame, or guilt came up, we pushed it to the side and plowed through. However, as I have gotten older, I have been having more conversations with my family members about my emotions. In turn, they have been more open with their feelings. Having an honest conversation with a loved one about burnout can revolutionize the nature of your relationship, perhaps going from the superficial to something much more profound and meaningful. 

We are in an age of change, a change in which I hope that all will be able to connect with themselves, take note of how they feel, and share it with the people closest to them. 

Have you had this conversation with a loved one? What has been your experience?